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一月二十六天:过小年的时候让我念叨念叨吧


从今天北京地铁公交乘客的拥挤程度看,目前那些在首都脑力打工和体力打工的可爱人们,都已经成功还乡度春了。

 

今天的私教课在进行了36分钟的时候被迫终止。教练说:“要不,今天先暂停吧!”我想了一下,点头同意了。的确,就在那一刻,我觉得我所有的体力都耗尽了,做任何器械完全动作不到位,自己都感觉别扭,精神状态也不好,走神,不集中,很难用意识刺激肌肉收缩⋯⋯我想,我不能继续这样玩命了⋯⋯

 

翻看手机的日程安排,这几天除了工作开会,就是打球和健身。每天把自己的所有时间都排满,大脑紧张,身体卖力。上周四终极难度的单车,到最后最难骑的环节,我紧闭双眼咬牙坚持,那一刻心里和身体都难受到极限了,终于大颗大颗的眼泪就那样烫烫地随着汗珠流到脖子上,那时候觉得这个世界只有我一个人了⋯⋯

 

当然,我仍旧是这样一个人,转天健身的时候,还会笑嘻嘻地跟教练调侃说昨天的单车太过瘾了,累得我眼泪都冒出来了。嘻嘻哈哈过后全然忘记当时的心酸和委屈。那些不愉快的所有情绪就这样肆无忌惮地消散了,没有为任何人留下,也没有被任何人发现。

 

今天从健身房回家的时候看微薄才发现今天是小年,看到各种朋友大秀丰盛晚餐,自己也觉得很开心。拖着四肢无力的身体想去吃汉拿山,但转念一想省省钱就转进对面小店买了两个肉夹膜要了碗羊汤就把自己喂饱了。

 

回家。准备大睡。回想着洗澡时都抬不起来的胳膊,觉得自己的能量就像漏电一样被吸干似的,整个人感觉已经筋疲力竭了。这一年就快过去了,似乎整个人的能量也就此耗没了吧⋯⋯

 

刻意不去想任何这一年的难处和不愉快,也不想那些开心和快乐的时光。我觉得那些都对我来说都是过去了,自己累了一年,却发现最后也很可能一无所获。这一年唯一的收获就是成长,跟前几年比,这一年的成长太多了,虽然不会被任何人发现,但是在自己内心深处,更强大的内心世界,更坚定的信念,更透彻的人情世故,更理智地面对现实,更明确的爱与责任,这一切带给我很多踏实地喜悦。

 

记得有天遇到一个认识很久的大哥,他醉酒却非常中肯地说了好多对我的评价,这其中虽然有主观地对我的不了解和不理解,但是我能听出肯定和不肯定的很多很多。在那一刻,尽管我接受着对方对我的误会和错解,但是我心中仍然平静地聆听这份期许和鼓励的话,面对一个对你有寄予很大期望的长辈来说,任何误解都不要辩解,人是要做给自己的,成长与成功也是为自己的,有的路,有的人走得很顺,有的人走得艰难,但最后都会走得好看。人在30岁之前经历的一切挫折和困难都不算什么,但快速丰满和成长是要争分夺秒的。

 

1月21日去看了张学友。情歌还在,物是人非。有时候,当对方已经不再觉得你是唯一的时候,自己也应该调整角色,有的歌感动的是过去的美好,但是感动不了当下的现实。有的人,分开之后还可以做好朋友,但有的却这辈子都不愿意再见你了。缘分的事情没得强迫。所以,尽管一路上有你,但这条路,我一直在独自跋涉,其中的酸甜苦辣自知自得,不奢望任何人的关注与支持,最真挚的感动都是彼此甘愿付出的。只希望不管是曾经的爱情还是现在的友情,让心情和情绪都自然而真实起来吧,我不欣赏刻意矜持拿捏或者刻意表现优越的样子,觉得很假,我们都越来越老了,谁都希望曾经爱过的人能够比自己还快乐福,谁也不希望看到谁过得不好,所以就让爱与感情像流水一样顺势而就,不更好吗?

 

过两天就要见到妈妈了!虽然儿子今年没有硕果累累地丰收为您老人家过年,但是我答应妈妈的事情都会一个一个兑现的!给您换电脑,带您去旅游,去看您舞蹈演出等等⋯⋯在这个世界上,真正爱我的人只有您一个,我不让您晚年幸福,还能有谁呢?我现在算是能够做到了,自己在外面经历再怎样的难处,我都不会和妈妈说,做一个好演员好儿子,为她造一个无忧无虑的伊甸园,让她在里面开心地享受生活的乐趣与轻松,能看到一切,我觉得再多的吃亏、误解、困难都变得渺小和不重要,因为只要这个世界上妈妈还能陪着我,我就不觉得孤独和无助!对!老妈最给力!

 

最后想起来今天慧儿跟我说的过年工作累一年的话,忽然觉得就再迷信一次吧!我真的需要一个再不去思考任何与工作相关事情的一小段假期了!对!完全放松地过大年吧!祝愿我爱的所有人,新年都会更幸福!更快乐!


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posted by 馒头他爹 in [碎片Amnesia] and have Comment (1)

One Response to “一月二十六天:过小年的时候让我念叨念叨吧”

  1. Gerd 说到:

    哈,兔年大吉~~新的一年就得像兔爷学习啊

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