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九月十五天:仍旧离别的九月

又是一场秋雨。

这场不大不小的雨(在东三环至少算是不大不小,但是据出租车司机说中关村那边都倾盆了。)让我打消了深夜凌晨下班独自走回家的念头。虽然没有伞,却没有在雨中等上太久就有空车悠然停靠了。

我说下雨其实是为了道出今天不一样的心情:温暖。这股带着多少惊喜成分的暖流,最初来自今天傍晚小丽在公司的出现。应该算是老战斗伙伴的重逢了吧!尽管在一起工作合作的时间也就仅仅两个多月,但是这种通过工作认识一个人的人性到互相认可和成为好朋友,真的非常难得。

其实最让我惊讶的是,当看到小丽穿得整洁漂亮地出现在大家面前的时候,我和大家一样的高兴,可一阵寒暄问候之后,自己竟然鼻子一酸偷偷掉了眼泪。我知道这是一种互相关心也惦记的友情,这种心情就像有一次和ruben聊大家老了以后的样子时,忽然想到那时候或许朋友之间天各一方,心中失落和莫名的伤心就涌上心头。所以对小丽也是如此,一个工作极度专业负责,做人坦荡正派,生活坚强独立的女孩,能够和我们走到一起,这种惺惺相惜的感觉,在公司复杂危险的办公室关系中,变得极为珍惜。

大家晚餐非常开心,曾经这些并肩作战的一伙人又聚到了一起,真正的开心,真正的放松的聊天调侃,我还记得最后大家的依依不舍,还记得小丽在公司楼下迟迟不走目送大家回去的身影。每个人心中多少的感怀真的只是因为她将要彻底离开北京,回去陕西开始面对一个人带着孩子重新生活的现实吗,除此之外还有好伙伴之间的纯真情义在这里吧!

人总是要分开的。其实大家都明白这个道理。我前几天还在微薄写到九月是离别月,说实话,我真的忘记曾经是谁告诉我的这句带有一些宿命色彩的话了。但回想这几年的九月,也的确是各种分别最多的时候,大概也搭上秋天一丝忧伤的色彩,让这句话变得那么刺眼。就拿公司合得来的同事说吧,小黄这个周六就会飞向上海长期工作了,屁屁和潭欣下周二也将跟这个团队告别了。都是每天工作在一起打闹在一起的伙伴,却谁也逃不开说再见的安排。

我是一个相信缘分的人,也相信自己注定会在生命的轨迹中留下什么。哪怕尽管是工作,除了事业成就感外,那种日久而生的手足之情,更让人觉得宝贵。这一年或者这几年,经历的事情让我看淡了很多也看开了很多,有的朋友远去了,但并不证明真正离开了你,有的人失去了联系,但并不代表就此再无关系。如果命运是一个大车轮,我们每个人都会有再相见的时候,哪怕仅仅是在心里。

今天是凯子农历的生日。因为工作,没有办法去八宝山看他了,但我仍旧在开心网给他送了生日蛋糕,在网上给他留了一段话。面对这样一个打打闹闹相识好几年的兄弟的真正离去,留在我内心深处的已经不是伤痛,而是深深的思念,有时候总在想,如果这个时候他也在会是什么样⋯⋯可能一切还是老样子,但那种习以为常的习惯却成了大家分别之后最让人难受的伤口,每次忽然想起他的时候,都觉得一种很深很深的遗憾。

有时候想想挺怕的,人将注定孤独地离开这个世界。最怕说再见,最怕离不开习惯。当一个或者又一个曾经在一起留下记忆的朋友、亲人或者动物停止他们生命的时候,那种无力的感觉,如同窒息一样让我不敢多想。所以突如其来的重逢是件可怕的事情,就像今天我自己都意料不到的眼泪就那样真实滚烫地留下来,我们都怕什么?在恐惧背后,我们还懂得什么是期待吗?

可能夜深了,我的思绪也变得不清晰了。尽管我没有忘记动笔写这些文字的初衷,却在收尾的时候失去了方向。忽然发现自己该修佳节又重阳炼的地方太多了,不要动情、不要动心、不要动念。坦然面对一切注定的安排,接受离去,或者也算是接受开始。既然是九,那就一定是久。

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