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八月三十一天:玻璃窗外是雾还是雨

八月最后一夜的雨,下得有点凉了。这个夏天仿佛还没有经历就已经匆匆忙忙地故去了。曾经年初一切关于夏天的安排和打算也都就此泡影。例如又一次闲置的网球拍。例如腰上又宽一层的游泳圈⋯⋯

一场秋雨一场寒。凌晨两点坐在从公司回家的车上,看着车窗外淅淅沥沥的雨水,心想,明天大概真的该慢慢凉起来了。很奇怪,以前从来不欢迎秋天我的,今年却有点盼望穿上多几件衣服,或者能够在夜里下班的时候盼望赶快回到自己温暖的家。

今年的夏天其实过的很朦胧。没有太多记忆。除了大部分工作加班出差外,生活就像湖水一样安静得没有丝毫波澜。回想去年那个痛苦难熬的夏天,生硬心狠地戒烟、一个个深夜独自爆走⋯⋯似乎所有不堪的回忆都封存在了2010年。直到现在回想起来,心中还有复杂的错愕感,甚至本能的抗拒。但这种感觉已经变得淡淡的,就像脸上浅浅的痘痕,虽然看不清楚,却一辈子刻在了上面。

上周一口气看完了《裸婚时代》。每每看到曾经爱得死去活来的俩人这么疯狂的吵架,都会让我忽然心头闷痛。这种场面太熟悉了,熟悉得让人心生畏惧⋯⋯害怕曾经一次一次因爱伤人的场面再次重现⋯⋯太怕了⋯⋯怕得这辈子,只想一个人终老算了。

有人说若是分手后还能做朋友的人必定你已经不喜欢对方了。但分手后都再也不会出现在彼此生活的人,才是真正爱的那一个。这大概也就解释了为何谁也不想再和谁有任何关系的原因了吧。

自己数了数,这已经是111天没有更新博客了。和微博比起来,这里安静得好像被所有人遗忘了。一切快速的情感与思维分泌被快速反馈与沟通所吸引。因此那些隐藏在内心深处角落里的不被人待见的内容就自然地躲起来了。就像现在的我,过于情绪控制下的自己,只懂得微笑,却忘了如何让自己掉眼泪。

我不知道有多少次跟自己说要写一篇新博客文章了,可到如今才动笔,这几个月发生的一切,或者让人想要记录的一切都变得茫然而模糊。当渴望书写变成欲言又止,大概生活已经开始平淡而让人了无生机了吧?其实不是,我想,这大概因为自己开始变老了,很多事情,宁愿放在心里,也不再愿意留下笔记了。

每天都会因为简单的欲望被满足而开心。比如午饭过后能在公司后面的林荫路走走。比如一大早发现是个大晴天。比如可以在太阳下面发呆打盹儿。比如能在这个下雨微凉的夜里,舒舒服服地睡上一觉⋯⋯

是的,你该睡了,说晚安吧。

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posted by 馒头他爹 in [碎片Amnesia] and have Comments (3)

3 Responses to “八月三十一天:玻璃窗外是雾还是雨”

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